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| 04:59pm 28/10/2006 |
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today, i am waist deep in a river of stupidity. |
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| 11:37am 25/10/2006 |
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I don’t feel good. I think I have a serious problem. I made an appointment with the specialist for tomorrow morning. Something is DEFINITLY not right. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go back on antibiotics. It seems like surgery is the only option.
I feel completely drained today.
Thoughts always seem so selfish. I want… I need… I have…
I wish that everyone could share their thoughts.
Maybe then everyone would think in terms of We. |
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| 06:39pm 23/10/2006 |
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My dad’s birthday was yesterday and I’ve been in a really weird mood since about 10 o’clock last night. I don’t know how to pull myself out of it. It makes me stress out even more, It makes me want to do everything now now now. I started making a list of things to do and I had a panic attack. Im beginning to think I have a serious condition. Stress and I don’t really get along to well and... I think I want to end this entry. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. |
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| 08:20am 18/10/2006 |
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music: I don't care what you say, it's not alright.
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Inches away.
I almost quit yesterday. It was one of those horrible days that my boss just kept making worse and worse. The only part of work that was actually good was when I got a phone call from Kim. She had some great advice for me about life.
Finally when I went home I was excited to see the game, my cable decided to suck at life and I couldn’t really see what was happening. All I know is that we got crushed 1-9. I’m bummed that philly lost but I hope that means the sabers will win the cup this year.
I thought about it [with a little help from joey and my pen pal] and I requested off for the les savy fav show at the museum of modern art in NYC. It’s going to cost me 92 dollars for a bus ticket, but I think it’s worth it. I’ll get to see some old friends, go record shopping , and see one of my favorite bands play at moma! It’s been a while since I’ve been to the city I think it would be good for me to get a breath of [not so] fresh air.
Is it Nov 7th yet?
Is it December 8th yet? |
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| 09:32pm 16/10/2006 |
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I feel better about work in a bad way. Sara and I really upset my boss by expressing our opinions on why sales are down. I told my boss that i would never come to shop here. And sara backed me up. There isn't any cool vintage clothes, linens or interesting housewares. She kind of flipped out and said she hates vintage and thinks it's all ugly. I took too much pleasure in upsetting her, but i feel (in some sick way)that sara and i are making progress. I feel like we've been given the opportunity to make the store better.
I still don't care about my job anymore, and this doesn't change anything.
Im saving all of my money for Florida but i just heard that les savy fav is playing at the museum of modern art on nov 7th... i really really really want to go. i wonder how much it would cost... i wonder how close it is to the bus station...
this could (honestly) be the best thing to ever happen to me. |
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| [We were hiding from the sun] |
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| 08:10am 11/10/2006 |
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Not sure what subjects you want mentioned
Just pause and add your own intentions
Just pause and add your own
Let’s pause and add our own intentions
[right here] |
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| 05:33pm 09/10/2006 |
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The end result
is still the same,
you can't go back
the way you came. |
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| 02:38pm 07/10/2006 |
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After December, I don't know what Im going to do with my life. It's kind of a scary thought. I haven't gotten any call backs for jobs. I missed getting hired by a few days for this one cafe. The owner said he'd give me a call as soon as he gets some turnover... i hope that's soon.
I made a wish at fountain in a chinese restaurant in Salem Ohio. I wonder how long it will take .
I feel like I need a change. This journal is a good start. I need a haircut or new clothes, something vain to keep me distracted. Anything to keep my mind off of the future.
I miss joey. I wish i had the day off.
other than that...I don't have anything nice to say, so im choosing not to say anything at all. |
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| 12:26am 05/07/2006 |
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Lately there has been a slue of "remember when" stories. To tell you the truth, I barely remember any of them. I nod my head and laugh like it was the funnest moment of my life. In the back of my mind i feel a slight twinge of guilt but i pass it off as a minor head ache and go about my life.
Apparently, a few years ago, i talked mik and jd into "borrowing" a wheel chair and taking it for joy rides down the hill near jd's house.
Beats me.
Im also responsible for numerous other devious acts of recless abandonment but i can't for the life of me recall any of these stories. I think you guys are making it up. |
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| 01:13am 04/07/2006 |
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I think that a majority of the reason that I have been so obsessed with moving is because I am not content with my job.
I think about money more than I should. Sometimes I worry about things that I shouldn’t be worrying about for at least 30 more years. I worry that my worrying will stress Joey out. I don’t want him to think that I am unhappy. A lot of times when im thinking about things, I look mad or upset and if I can’t figure something out I get really depressed. It’s not that I really am depressed it is just that I don’t have the answers and I get frustrated. I don’t know how the future will turn out. I don’t know what I’ll be doing compared to what I want to do. There are a great deal of unanswered questions and I guess sometimes I just get overwhelmed. I think a majority of my problem is im standing in a stream, trying to make it an ocean. I think I rely too much on my job. I always say if I can just gut it out, it will help me get set up for where I want to be in life. I guess I could understand doing what I am doing in order to get ahead but I think I am going about it the wrong way. I want learn how businesses are run, but this company can barely function. I take so much home with me. The stress from work is overwhelming. My paycheck however, is underwhelming. Stock clerks for other stores make as much as I do, and im an assistant manager for god sakes. There really isn’t any positive aspect to my job. This isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life. And it really isn’t helping me get financially set for my future. So I really don’t know why I am putting myself through all of this. I wish so much that BCOEM would start back up again. I miss that job. It was fun, 20 hours a week, 200 dollars a week, and I could make my own hours. I could work around school and not be so stressed out all of the time.
I don’t know where to go. I don’t have another job to fall back on. I don’t have enough assistant manager experience to do the same thing somewhere else. And I don’t know where I could go that would pay me as much as I would need.
I’ve had grey hairs since I was about 15, but I swear they have doubled in the last few months. I have a constant frown on my face and I am fairly depressed. The only thing that makes me happy is Joey. I don’t know where I would be with out him. |
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| 11:24am 23/06/2005 |
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Went to a party
I danced all night
I drank 16 beers
and started up a fight.
Course now Im jaded
you're outta luck
Im rolling down the stairs
too drunk to fuck.
I know your stories
I like your gun. |
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| Dear Mark S, Sara, and Chad |
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| 10:07am 01/06/2005 |
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music: Broken social scene
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I miss you guys.
That is still the best day I have ever had.
I need to be more focused. I have the attention span of a 2 year old and it is starting to bring me down. I just want to be able to sit down and complete something. For instance the 4 by 5 foot canvas that is just chilling in the basement (again). I can make some amazing art... when I am focused.
Im getting my passport tomorrow!!
I shouldn't be so excited, I know I am not leaving for a while.
I have to work at bay road today from 11-7. It shouldn't be so bad. Mike pulled some strings and got it so that I work out front with him. No more back room! Yesssss!
My room is awesome.
Be jealous.
fin
m. |
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| 01:00pm 30/05/2005 |
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music: The Lyers- busy body
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Now that I am almost done with my room. I have to find more creative things to work on.
I painted over that huge canvas (yes... again) but now I don't have anything to put on it.
Adam and I started a band called All the Kings Horses. I think I might suggest a name change to Bitches and Hoes. Is that already taken? if not I think that would rule. We're basically two acoustic guitars making noise. Yeah... we're badass.
I didn't make it out to his gallery opening and I felt horrible. Now that I have some extra cash I should venture out that way to see it.
Oh and I got a 4.0. Take that Monroe.
I miss you, You know who you are.
I should get back to painting. Be it known that life is good. And I have all the hope in the world for it to get even better. I have many great opportunities heading my way.
fin |
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| 12:11am 28/05/2005 |
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music: Drive like Jehu- Caress
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Im selling my drums to Jet from Love Hate. That 600 dollars will help tremendously. I have enough now. But I guess I am just waiting for things to fall together. Ping is backing out on me so where ever I go I am going to have to do it alone. A slightly scary thought. But not out of the question. I am still thinking of Chicago or Santa Barbara. Every time I start to worry too much about the future, I just think about what Hib said about fear. I feel more at ease.
I don't really have a good plan going. |
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| 11:32pm 27/05/2005 |
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Im making this journal public from now on. |
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| 10:33pm 26/01/2005 |
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ok, so i can follow through... |
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getfucked4eyes's journal